Random stuff. Not at all coherent and no points made here. And no new year resolutions for me.
This time as I was leaving my mom pulled me and directed to the ‘Pooja Ghar’ and said, “Jaao, bhagwaan se kaho kuch akkal de tujhe. Be serious. Control your phone bills. And do study this last sem”. She gave me those ‘I know it all – whats going on in your life’ types look. I tell you,moms have got those eyes of steel.
And as I meekly entered the hallowed room with my brother dispatching a ‘well timed smirk’ and my dad passing his ‘you think this will work. huh” glance, I decided that so be it. I won’t change. Not even a bit.
And that I would kill even the micro-bacterial size achievement ka keeda in me. No expectations. No vindications. No judgements. This year I will be me.
And regarding the being serious pledge. I am serious. Seriously! It does not mean that I have to make a grim face – a know it all look – and be in a career conscious gait to prove that. It does not mean that when my aunts and uncles from far far away lands bump into me and put up there ever so concerned querry “Ab Aage kya socha hai beta“, I should rattle off some IAS, MBA, MS stuff just to fit into their world view of ‘Focussed Child’ and put up a role modal in front of their toddler. ‘Lo iski tarah bano!’ NO.
And its not just with me. Its the way we are brought up in our society. Achieve this. Prove that. Be there. Be loud. And when you have done this all and you are free, prod others to follow your race. So when the HR head of mu-sigma asked me as to why I always wanted to be an engineer. I wanted to say cos this is what intelligent 90 percenters do to screw their happiness. And I am no different
Its like if you are enjoying , if you are laughing , you are not making yourself into a breadwinner. The entire Indian society is designed to make enjoyment a very ridiculed thing, just after Saurav Ganguly. And if you are in an elitest instituion like mine you need to be geared up. Abrest with knowledge. Aim high. Achieve. CGs and Position of responsibilities.
And so its about struggle, hard work, sweat, competition. Not enjoyment. And for what? For the attestation from the society that you are like them. So that they include you into them and then you espouse the same!
Work hard but grab the fact that there is a part in you who does not care about your social status! There is that kid in you who just wanted that digital watch and the sleek cell phone and you guided him to become and engineer. More so, you wanted to be the best of the best of the best! And above that every time you steered up, you wanted your peers to acknowledge those grade points on your sheet and give you that demigod status.
Last time on my trip back home I met this small rag picker in train and all he wanted was some money to buy a watch from a local ferry walaa so that he could locate the last train to reach back home to his only known survivor of village floods, his mom and give his daily earnings. That is his life. Simple. Plain. He wanted a pink watch and he wore it around with pride.
I tell you people, outside my A/C compartment, away from those pouting belly uncles and hanging jewelery aunts, seeing this small boy in his nickers and torn sweater with that pink watch and that ecstatic voice ‘bhaiya time theek kar do iski zaraa. mera station aane walaa hai’, it was all that I ever wanted to do. Match his clock
![]()
No gyaan this time. And no strong upbeat resolution to post. And as far as to how I celebrated my new year eve, I slept till 11am of the 1st.

The last “ferri-ride” of the sem.
In No comments zone., Self on November 28, 2006 at 8:37 AMI usually try to drift away from realities and live in a “happy-go-lucky” mood. I have also been accused by some of my friends for crossing all limits of the real world while blogging!!. One says that in the frenzy of “spicing up” the “write up”, i tend to become ultra imaginary (blame it on maths …and pal i even know imaginary integration!)
.
So i sat down one day…delibrately made a poignant face in a hope of attracting some serious thoughts which have for a long eluded me and thus failed miserably in a yet another attempt to search for “my calling “.
Sounds esoteric ??…….lemme try!
Great men and nice books are two of the three most important things which have started influencing me off-late. Third being the femmes fatales of
…..hope to blog specifically on them. Inshah allah !!
myany IIT, every sight of theirs err…..O.K i am deviating away from the topicNeways driving back to my esoteric stuff. May i have the priviledge to ask some questions from you….???… taking your silence for a “yes”
here you are:
How many of us know what they are really doing, where we are moving in life? How many of us have clearly defined paths…….goals, aspirations?? Are we really living or merely trudging the path laid before us covered with myraids of assignments and nonsense maths ???…?? wtf .
Hell nooooo! my insane psyche isn’t allowing me to frame my emotions well . I don’t want to belittle them and i don’t know why i am not able to give them a shape today but you know what, sitting in my hostel room today i feel a little insignificant. Feel like i am not showing up with my best each day .There are things i would like to max on but there are some other compelling and not-so-very-important things which are taking toll over them. I am not able to differentiate between what i do and what i ought to do.
There are two types of freedom:
One where you are free to do what you want and second where you are free to do what you ought .
I search for answers, for the questions are many . I look out for the succor for my enervated soul. But then i just simply slide into my bed, lie back, scourged by my own conscience.
I know that some of you might find this post inane. I am often ridiculed by my friends for the same but i guess at some point of ur life, when you just stop and listen to your inner voices…..you might understand me!
Dekha! one yr at iit makes you go philosophical
And so i take up this alternate path…..blogging
and with all due respect leave my sanity behind while composing them !! heheheeee.
Sorry for this serious post but i just wished to make a note of them .Hey and btw wait for my new blog on “femmes fatals @ iitg”